Harvard Business Review reports that at least half of managers and top executives feel isolated and disconnected, while 61% of those surveyed reveal that the alienation hinders their job performance. Anyone with elevated status, not just the CEO or others in the C-suite, may find it challenging to interact with subordinates.
We should distinguish between solitude and loneliness. Solitude is often prized by busy, active leaders. A few minutes or hours with their thoughts may be a welcome interlude. Loneliness on the other hand takes a psychological toll, even on middle managers, who find themselves in no man’s land between their teams and senior brass.
Why do managers become isolated?
Moving up to management should be something to celebrate, but it might turn out to be a poisoned chalice.
Hierarchy and power dynamics in any organization set up an automatic gulf between team camaraderie and the boss. Once they become authority figures, managers may discover they cannot hang out with the team the way they used to. Suddenly, your reports may start to act differently, perhaps unconsciously.
You are always “on” and under unrealistic pressure to be infallible. As a superior, you become more visible, with less wiggle room, and are judged by harsher standards. Your moods and behavior will now have a wider impact on your former teammates. Although life at the top of the food chain certainly carries its advantages, it also entails obligations and challenges.
Making decisions may become burdensome when you shoulder them by yourself. You must address new interpersonal frictions, like holding team members accountable, dealing with poor performance or resolving conflicts. Where can you turn for support? Your office dilemmas may not be well appreciated at home. You now probably have fewer peers with whom to commiserate. Compounding the quandary, you may now be restricted in what confidential information you can share. The team may regard your decisions as illogical, not being privy to full details.
It would be normal to harbor fears. Impostor syndrome is the private suspicion that your success is undeserved. You may fret that your team is unhappy, that you lack the right skill sets or that you must prove your promotion. You may be distanced from your former office friendships but have not yet developed new peers.
Fight back!
When you recognize your loneliness, you can take constructive action. The unfortunate reality is that many organizations provide little leadership training, so managers are left to fend for themselves.
You will feel more secure if you can establish a peer support group that can perform as a sounding board for you in a safe, confidential setting. Fellow managers can come together to share their experiences and insights. The learning curve can be steep for almost anyone. Remember that all experienced managers had to start somewhere and likely felt lonely themselves once.
You may have to construct a peer network on your own. It may take some time and patience, as it is normal to build trust gradually. Invite them to lunch, organize brainstorming sessions, and schedule regular catch-ups.
Peer groups — sometimes known as “mastermind” groups — at all levels can reinforce each other. Individual members meet in groups of about half a dozen to give and receive advice, share ideas or even discuss personal matters. As members of a supportive community, they elevate one another’s strengths and encourage each other.
Loneliness hacks
Practice some simple habits to keep managerial blues at bay:
- Keep up some outside hobbies to preserve a healthy work-life balance.
- Solicit feedback regularly.
- Ask HR about a mentoring program — or start an unofficial one.
- Find an objective person to offload on, ideally not a family member or partner.
- Choose one challenge a month to increase your confidence.
- Show empathy to other new managers. You have been in their footsteps.
- Ask for help when you need it.
Accepting and acknowledging your inner feelings can be a comfort. Maintaining a façade of self-confidence to conceal your insecurities will only wear you down.
