By: Stacey Lastoe for The Muse, Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
It never fails. When I’m looking for a few minutes of distraction at work, everyone around me seems positively buried in work—no time to discuss the nuances of The Night Of, no patience to chat about where to find the city’s best Mexican food, or whether to buy the new iPhone even though it doesn’t have a headphone jack and I don’t actually need a new phone.
As social creatures we often crave interaction with others throughout the day; the problem is when our schedules don’t line up. Of course, when I’m slammed and dealing with a seemingly endless to-do list, that’s when my work pals inevitably try to lure me into friendly conversation.
Even though I’d be stressing about all the things I should be doing instead of wasting time chatting about nothing important, I used to find it hard to figure out how to politely disengage. The last thing I wanted was to be rude or to give the impression that I was so important and busy that I could not spare a couple of minutes. I worried that being brusque would ostracize me.
Talk about overthinking something! There’s nothing wrong with allowing yourself to focus and be really busy when that’s what you need to be. You don’t have to sacrifice having friends at work simply because you choose to limit your spontaneous social interactions throughout the day. You can politely shut down the conversation without offending or rejecting anyone. It’s not as if you’re saying that you never want to have a non-work-related conversation just because you can’t right now.
First things first:
1. Show Don’t Tell
Whether you put on headphones (no one but you has to know there’s no music playing), set yourself to “busy” on whatever chat channel your company uses, or refuse to lift your gaze from your computer screen, there are myriad ways to demonstrate that it’s best not to be interrupted at this point. (In fact, our company recently started using this paper approach.) This outward “showing” is the least you can do; if it doesn’t work, move on to the next thing.
2. Explain Yourself
If you’re pulled into a conversation before you can explain that now’s not a great time for you to be distracted from your work, simply don’t get caught up in the topic. You might actually be dying to discuss last week’s NFL match-up—but not before you finish this spreadsheet, send those three emails, and update the status report.
In an effort to make it clear that you’re not some curmudgeon who doesn’t know how to socialize, try saying something like this: “I have plenty to say about Seattle’s running game, but if I get started now, I’ll never get anything done. I’ll find you later, and you can try to convince me why your Bills aren’t the worst team in the league.”
If you really want to talk to this person later, just say so. Wouldn’t you respect someone who told you she wanted to resume the conversation in a little while?
3. Listen Without Investing
Sometimes, you’ll encounter someone who doesn’t understand, who can’t take a hint, or who is too distracted to want to. That’s when you reach for the one-word answers and long pauses if you’re talking online. If you don’t do anything to further the conversation, there’s little hope of it going anywhere. After a couple of minutes of you barely offering crumbs to the topic, you can rush in with this: “I’m so sorry, but I’m super crazed right now. Can we please talk later?”
At this point, the interrupter will have little choice but to accept what you’ve said at face-value. If you say it with a smile (or an exclamation point if you’re chatting virtually), you can be sure you’ve avoided sounding rude or impolite.
If worst comes to worst and you find yourself unable to escape the numerous daily distractions that are your colleagues’ flesh-and-blood friendliness, you can always pretend you’re on a call or are about to get on a call. Sure, it’s a bit dishonest, but if it’s in the good name of doing your job and doing it well. You’re not doing it to be a jerk, it’s hardly anything to overthink.
Remember that when things slow down for you and you feel like spending some time talking to your colleagues, they may not feel the same way. Show the respect you endeavor to receive. You’ll remain on good terms with your co-workers no matter how many water cooler conversations you subtly or not so subtly reject.
Clear communication is only one part of effective employee management. For help understanding benefit requirements and employer responsibilities, explore our Complete Free Guide to Benefits Compliance.
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